I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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