I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
just found out that she named her cat after me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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