Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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