went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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