so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
