Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
