okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
