So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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