i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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