So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
