Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
