is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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