so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
