we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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