My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Randomize
