The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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