You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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