My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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