Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
