He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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