Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
