is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
