I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
