Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
