I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hippo gnu deer
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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