He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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