Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
In America we eat man semen.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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