My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
