Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
