I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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