Im at strip club and am horny
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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