It's Friday. Sex?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
