did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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