pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
