i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize