can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
