Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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