I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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