Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
