i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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