OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
