Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
