my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize