dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
