I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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