help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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