Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
