New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
