So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
