I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
