I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
