i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
