I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
