why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
