Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
