Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
