i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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