I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
