Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize