that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
