Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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