so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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