I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize