you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
