wrigley field is MILF paradise
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
