I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize