hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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