Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
