one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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