We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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