Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
