And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
