Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
