listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
