I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The air taste purple.
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