I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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