im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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