come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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