i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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