WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
