oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
