Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
