Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
