she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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