I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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