im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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