Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
