Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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