fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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