a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
