we're blogging at a bar
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
