He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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