If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
