if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
