I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
