how can u be prego again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
