Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize