I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
