Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize