he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
