It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
