wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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