Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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