The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
