Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
