Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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