the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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