false alarm. still invincible.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
