Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
