Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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