Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want her autograph on my taint
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
