I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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