That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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