R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
