so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
