You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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