Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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