Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
