my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
