don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
