I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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