oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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