Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
