Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize