His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
