Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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