I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
