do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You were trust falling into bushes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
