Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
