oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
