remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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