wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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