he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
